How to Strengthen Your Self-Worth

How much of your sense of worth depends on what you achieve, how other people see you or how well you think you're doing in life?

It's an important question because there's a difference between self-esteem and self-worth.

The two are closely connected, but they're not quite the same.

Self-Esteem vs. Self-Worth

Self-esteem is often influenced by how we evaluate ourselves and our abilities. It can rise when we're doing well, achieving something, receiving recognition or feeling confident in a particular area of life.

Self-worth goes deeper.

It's your underlying sense that you have value as a person, regardless of what you've achieved, how productive you've been or what somebody else thinks of you.

And when your sense of self-worth becomes dependent on external validation, it can become very difficult to feel secure within yourself.

If confidence and self-worth are something you struggle with, you can read more about [confidence and self-worth] and how the way you see yourself can influence the way you think, feel and respond.

What Can Undermine Our Sense of Self-Worth?

There isn't usually one single reason someone struggles with their self-worth. Our experiences, relationships and environment can all influence the way we learn to see ourselves.

Comparison

Comparison can have a significant impact on self-worth.

When you continually compare yourself with other people, it's easy to focus on what they have that you don't.

They're more successful. More confident. More attractive. Further ahead.

But you're comparing two completely different people with different experiences, strengths, challenges and circumstances.

And the more attention you give to what you believe you're lacking, the easier it becomes to overlook what is already valuable about you.

Advertising and Social Media

We're surrounded by messages telling us that we could be happier, more attractive, more successful or more accepted if only we looked different, owned something different or lived differently.

Social media adds another layer.

Followers, likes and other people's carefully selected highlights can easily become another measurement of how well we think we're doing.

But none of these things determine your worth.

Achievement and Education

Many of us learn early in life to associate doing well with receiving praise and approval.

Grades, test scores, sporting achievements and other accomplishments can become measurements of whether we're doing well enough.

Achievement itself isn't the problem.

The problem begins when "I did well" becomes "therefore I am worthy" or "I failed" becomes "therefore there's something wrong with me."

Other People's Expectations

Parents, teachers and other important people in our lives can also influence the way we see ourselves.

Often with the best of intentions, approval may have seemed easier to receive when we achieved, behaved well or met expectations.

We can then begin to believe that acceptance needs to be earned.

And that belief can follow us into adulthood.

Difficult Past Experiences

Painful experiences can also affect the conclusions we form about ourselves. Instead of recognizing that something difficult happened to us, we may interpret it as saying something about us.

"I'm not good enough."

"There's something wrong with me."

"I'm different."

"I don't matter."

Those conclusions can become part of our self-image even when they no longer reflect who we are today.

So How Do You Strengthen Your Self-Worth?

The first step is recognizing where you're currently getting your sense of worth from.

Ask yourself:

Do I feel better about myself when other people approve of me?

Do I need to achieve before I feel good enough?

Do I compare myself with other people?

Does criticism quickly make me question myself?

Do I feel I have to prove my value?

Once you recognize the pattern, you can begin changing it.

• Start noticing the way you speak to yourself. Acknowledge your strengths without immediately dismissing them.

• Allow yourself to make mistakes without turning the mistake into a judgement about who you are.

• Set boundaries even when somebody else may not like them.

• Make decisions based on what matters to you rather than continually looking outside yourself for reassurance.

• And perhaps most importantly, begin separating what you do from who you are.

You can fail at something without being a failure.

You can disappoint someone without being a disappointment.

You can make a mistake without becoming the mistake.

You can have areas you'd like to change while still respecting the person you are today.

Changing deeply familiar beliefs isn't always as simple as deciding to think differently. On my [How it Works] page, I explain how I work with both conscious understanding and subconscious patterns to create change.

Your Worth Doesn't Need to Be Earned

Strengthening self-worth isn't about convincing yourself that you're better than everyone else.

It's about no longer needing the comparison.

It's recognizing that achievements can make you proud, compliments can feel wonderful and success can be celebrated without any of those things determining your value as a person.

Because when your sense of worth comes increasingly from within, something important changes.

You don't need to spend quite so much of your life proving that you're enough.

You can simply allow yourself to be enough already.